27 January 2007

What else is there?


I attended my first Catholic mass today. It was a celebratory mass, to celebrate the very short but brilliant life of a little boy dear to me. As I was sitting there, trying to follow along in the Hymn book, stumbling over the lines in response to spoken prayer that everyone seems to know exactly when and how to mutter, standing to the side as nearly everyone else moved forward to receive Communion--aside from feeling completely alienated--I began to think about religion and why it seems necessary when an innocent child dies.

It's not often that I think of God or of faith, and I'm pretty unclear about what kind of faith I might belong to or seek solace in. But lately, as I've been watching this little boy fight a losing struggle with cancer, I've been racking my brain for words of comfort for his family and could find nothing except words of faith.... Nothing else seemed to suffice.

I don't pray often, either, but in the past week I've been praying a lot to a God that I barely know. In the face of death, I don't know what else to turn to except something beyond the human spirit.

May he rest in peace.


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